Thursday, February 21, 2013

Guest Post & Giveaway with Josephine Myles

"If it pleases you, Master." What makes a good submissive? - a guest post by Josephine Myles

Drake Jaden, bound
Eyes to the ground, Bitch!

 I'll admit it: there once was a time when I thought submissives were weak. I couldn't understand why anyone would want to be dominated by someone else, and in particular my feminist hackles were raised by the idea of women submitting to men. To me, it looked as if Dominants had it all: the control, the power and most of all, the pleasure.

However, over time and with increasing knowledge of what really happens in a D/s power exchange, I've come to realise that submission is not something for the weak-willed. Indeed, I have a great respect for the people who hand over control and power to someone else for a short while (or perhaps longer if you want to live it 24/7). It's not an easy thing to do and it takes great trust and honesty, along with a willingness to face your fears. Submissives aren't drippy walkovers, they're tough cookies.

The thing that came as a real shock, though, was the dawning realisation that when BDSM is working properly (safe, sane and consensual), it's actually the submissive who is the one getting the best deal. They're the ones being given pleasure (even if it sometimes looks like pain to an outsider). They're the ones who can lose themselves in the moment, truly alive in their bodies. And what's more, they're the ones who can end it all with a single word if they need to.

However, despite the hedonistic pleasures of submission, there are a few duties a good submissive should always bear in mind.

Honesty - because if there's one thing a dominant needs in order to plan properly, it's a comprehensive knowledge of what makes their submissive tick, both in terms of turn ons and turn offs.

Obeying orders - preferably quickly and without question... unless they happen to be teamed up with a Dominant who enjoys a Smart-Arsed-Masochist. I like to think Alasdair in Screwing the System is one of these Doms, and writing his interaction with Cosmo was always a huge amount of fun.

Accepting domination - (within pre-agreed limits) whether this means being tied up, hurt or used in all manner of degrading and delightful ways. Giant dildos optional.

Pleasing their Dominant - by maintaining good health and flexibility, and gaining new skills to please such as learning positions and mastering massage techniques. This might also include dressing in certain ways, and having body modifications like tattoos and piercings.

I have to admit, I still have a few difficulties wrapping my head around why somebody would want to go for a total power exchange relationship and live as a slave, 24/7, but I now know that by doing so, they're gaining great satisfaction and fulfilling a deep psychological need. I know I would never want to do anything like that myself, but I no longer find the idea creepy like I used to. I can see that rather than the owner getting all the benefits, they are in fact totally responsible for the well-being of their slave and that's a huge burden, not to be taken lightly.

Although it does mean you'd never have to do a chore you didn't want to do ever again. Right, I think I need a slave. Preferably one who enjoys vacuuming in the nude. Any takers? ;)

What do you think is the most important quality for a submissive to have? And if you had your own personal slave, what fiendish tasks would you set them?

Comment to win! Jo is offering a choice of a book from her backlist to one lucky commenter on this post, and all commenters throughout the blog tour will also be entered into a draw for the grand prize of a handmade suede flogger, to be announced on 25th February.

Also, watch out for the follow-up short story, Screw the Fags. To be available as a free download from Smashwords and All Romance eBooks this week!

Screwing the System

 He’s nobody’s bitch. Until he gets a ride on the bitch seat.

Forced to apply for a job he doesn’t want, Cosmo Rawlins has only one aim in mind: fail the interview and get back to making music. Except his attempt to shock the older, sharp-suited Alasdair Grant doesn’t have the desired effect.

 Instead of getting thrown out of the office by flaunting an interest in BDSM, Cosmo finds himself on his knees, apologizing to the sexy, good-looking Top.

 Alasdair has more important things on his mind than training a novice sub, especially a rebellious bad boy like Cosmo. But there’s something beneath the younger man’s defiant attitude that’s too intriguing to ignore.

 As Alasdair takes Cosmo in hand—and for a wild ride on his Harley—he becomes obsessed with bending the young rocker to his will, both in and out of bed. Until he goes one demand too far, and Cosmo is gone in a cloud of dust. Forcing Alasdair to admit that earning Cosmo’s loyalty—and love—will involve the toughest challenge he’s ever faced.

 Warning: This title contains an overbearing Top with a less-than-glamorous job, a rebellious brat who refuses to call him sir, and a total lack of high-end BDSM clubs or playrooms. Expect floggings over the kitchen table instead.

About the author:
 English through and through, Josephine Myles is addicted to tea and busy cultivating a reputation for eccentricity. She writes gay erotica and romance, but finds the erotica keeps cuddling up to the romance, and the romance keeps corrupting the erotica. Jo blames her rebellious muse but he never listens to her anyway, no matter how much she threatens him with a big stick. She’s beginning to suspect he enjoys it.

 For more information about Jo’s published stories, regular blog posts and saucy free reads, visit

 Photo credit: istolethetv via photopin cc


  1. I always say I need a wife. A wife from the 50's but I don't care what gender. Someone who will do my laundry, clean my house and have a hot meal for me on the table when I get home from work. Hell, a cold sandwich would work.

    In some ways I can see the appeal of the 24/7. Not having to decide what to cook for dinner, when to do laundry, what to wear, which bills to pay. On the other hand, maybe I don't WANT to do laundry on Tuesday or eat chicken today. So I don't think I'd be very good at it, on either side because I'd soon get weary of basically being in charge of someone else all the time.

    1. Oh yes, a housewife or househusband would be nice. I know I'm at home all day, but I'm working, dammit! I don't have time to do the chores too.

      I suppose having choices taken away could be destressing if you were the kind of person who tends to take too much on. The responsibility of owning a slave would be really onerous, though. Perhaps, like you, I can see the slave's benefit more than the owner's. Hmmm...

  2. The only thing I'd want a slave to do is wash the dishes. I abhor dishes. Otherwise, I'd probably be the one doing the cleaning and cooking...

    As for the sub's quality to have? A good dynamic with their dom. Because subs and doms come in all shapes and sizes, but the dynamic the pair has is vital for them both to enjoy the relationship. ...I know, I know, sappy, cheesy answer! But I think a sub who wouldn't work for most people, would work for some people. At least I can hope, right ;)

    1. Funnily enough I don't mind the dishes too much. My mind tends to wander and I often get good ideas and inspiration while washing them :)

      Alex, I totally agree with you. It's the way two people find their own dynamic that's critical. I doubt Cosmo would work as most people's sub, but he's perfect for Alasdair and vice versa. I love writing couples like that :)

      And yeah, you can hope. Always hope!

  3. I would say trust is important, although a lot of that relies on the Dom, too. The househusband bit does sound really good, but a lot of things appeal to me except for humiliation. (Of course, I always figure the guy will have waited his whole LIFE to serve me and be overjoyed, which is probably why it's all still theoretical for me!)


    1. Trust is definitely a two way thing. Like Alex said, its the dynamic between the two that really counts, isn't it?

      Hehe - I don't mind a bit of humiliation. It does seem to put a lot of readers off, though. I try to bear that in mind and keep it very light if I do include any in my stories.

      Theoretical slaves are the best kind. Very easy to look after!

  4. You asked: What makes a good submissive?
    I think the qualities that make a good submissive also apply to what makes a good Dom and in fact what makes a good partner in any relationship.
    And those qualities are:
    In equal measure, Honesty, trust and communication, together with a large measure of caring regard for ones partner’s well-being.

    1. Oh, definitely. They're the kind of qualities that make a good human being in general, I think :)

  5. *kicks blogger* Take the post, dagnabbit.

    I think you hit one of my sticking points about D/s with your comment about balance.

    There's some stories in the D/s genere that I love, and some that just tweak my abuse-ometer. I'm thinking of a couple where the Dom notices a poor little "natural submissive" in the wild, and takes him in (i.e.: controls his life) to prove to the sub what he really needs. That kind of emotional manipulation is squicky to me, to borrow a fandom word.

    But then there are stories that do show it as a loving, balanced relationship, where each partner is giving and getting, just not in the way a traditional relationship does.

    However, I still wouldn't mind coming home to a clean, freshly vacuumed house with a nude cutie putting a freshly cooked dinner on the table for me. Though I suppose you could use either "sub" or "partner" there. ;-]

    1. Blogger drives me up the wall with the word/number veris as well. I must be losing my eyesight as I keep typing them in wrong!

      I agree that the "perfect" Dom noticing a "natural" sub has been done too many times, and often in a way that I find unpleasant. I think StS is my response to that, because although it sort of looks like that might be happening at the beginning, Cosmo refuses to be tamed. A relationship has to have real respect on both sides, and it doesn't seem respectful to force someone into a relationship with those kinds of power dynamics when they're at a really vulnerable point in their life. It's why I always avoid the screwed up, damaged subs being cured by their Dom type stories.

      Nude cuties serving dinner? Oh yes. I could go for that *stares at husband and attempts mind control*

  6. I think a good submissive would need a string sense if self, and surprisingly, very high self-esteem.

    That said, "yeth, Mathster," lisping submissives squick me out. Unfortunately, I have read to much poorly written D/s stuff by authors who had no real knowledge. Yuckity. I need some Jo Myles to clear my palate.

    1. Oh yes, high self-esteem is important. I was reading something the other day about a very real problem dominants face when vetting new submissives, which is that many of them are so desperate for a Dom they just tell them what they think they want to hear rather than what they're really into. Having a good dose of self-esteem would prevent that happening.

      Hope StS works as a palate cleanser!

  7. I think honesty is HUGE and not just with your partner but with yourself as well.

    I find that I would rather be the one submitting >.>


    1. You're so right, Kassandra - and you have to be honest with yourself before you can ever truly be honest with others...

      And yeah, me too, I reckon ;)

  8. I have to think being wanting to please is an important quality in a sub. I sometimes think it might be kinda nice to be able to let go and have decisions made for me. The problem is finding someone that is capable of doing it well.

    1. I know what you mean about the potential release in having someone else make the decisions for a while. I've heard anecdotally that many submissive men are stressed-out executives who simply crave having someone else take control of them for a while.

      But yes, finding someone you could trust to do it well would be key, I reckon. A really tough challenge.

  9. I think honesty and trust are important for both the Dom & sub of the relationship. I would love to have a sexy guy that enjoyed cooking & cleaning, but I would be much more likely to be the sub (and I hate cleaning!).
    manning_J2004 at yahoo dot com

    1. I'm seeing a lot of women who hate cleaning commenting (and on yesterday's post).

      Honesty and trust are real cornerstones of D/s relationships. I get freaked out by books when I don't feel that coming through. The potential for (possibly unwitting) abuse is huge, otherwise.

  10. I think I must be the sub in our house, though I've never been reffered to as such. I vacuum nude, I cook wash up and clean windows (outside too), year round NUDE.
    Luckily I have recently met up with a wonderful little subbie . . . . . . xxx

    1. Sounds to me more like you're a naturist than a submissive, Captain J!

  11. I think what I'd look for in a sub is selflessness. Giving without thinking of getting. I'm not talking about a doormat, but someone who's focus and desire would be to please the Dom/me. I'd also expect them to be smart and able to carry on intelligent conversations and be able to think ahead and not have to be told what to do for every little thing.


    1. Oh, all excellent points. Selfless giving is a rare quality. I like the point about having them thinking ahead. Well-trained and not needing to have everything pointed out every single time. It's what I'd want out of an employee, as well.

      I'd love to see more genuinely smart and successful submissives in fiction. Where are all the professors, doctors and CEOs? They can't all be Doms, surely?

  12. Hmmm, one of the commenters hit on exactly why I'm so picky about what D/s I read (as did your post tbh but this commenter got specific) the power imbalance always bothered me. I think I must have read a lot of BAD BDSM stories because it always felt to me like the Dom had all the power and the sub was getting nothing out of it. I knew that wasn't suppposed to be the case and it kind of became one of my pet peeves when it was portrayed like that.

    I definitely agree that a sub is a tough cookie for more reasons than one. I'm still kind of iffy on the whole 24/7 thing I definitely know it's not something I would be interested in, I'm far too independent LOL. I can see the appeal of giving up control for a little while though, I'm sure plenty of people can.

    Trust would be the big thing that's for sure. And UGH can I get someone to come clean for me? Because I hate to clean LOL.

    1. I think there are a fair few bad BDSM stories out there, and unfortunately they get used as research material by other writers, who then go on to perpetuate stories with very unhealthy power dynamics. It's why I felt I had to go outside of fiction and read things written by real life dominants to find out what should really be happening in a successful partnership.

      I'm thinking I should set up a cleaning company staffed by hot, naked cleaners with a submissive streak. I could make a killing!

  13. Honesty is definitely the biggest. How can you have trust, which is extremely important, if you're not honest. Plus, you can't lie to yourself about what you like, it won't work out in the end.

    If I had my own slave? I'm not sure exactly what I'd have them do. Cooking for sure. I can't cook worth a damn, and yes, I can burn water. So I'd love a sub who could actually cook.


    1. Oh yes, lying to yourself is just as dangerous as lying to someone else in a relationship like this.

      Another vote for the cooking slave! I think we're about evenly divided between wanting them for that or the housework :)


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