Review: Aaron by J.P Barnaby

Reviewed by Hannah
Aaron by J.P Barnaby
Dreamspinner Press
Novel: 238pgs
5 Pants Off

Blurb:
I can’t describe what it’s like to want to scream every minute of every day.

Two years after a terrifying night of pain destroyed his normal teenage existence, Aaron Downing still clings to the hope that one day, he will be a fully functional human being. But his life remains a constant string of nightmares, flashbacks, and fear. When, in his very first semester of college, he’s assigned Spencer Thomas as a partner for his programming project, Aaron decides that maybe “normal” is overrated. If he could just learn to control his fear, that could be enough for him to find his footing again.

With his parents’ talk of institutionalizing him—of sacrificing him for the sake of his brothers’ stability—Aaron becomes desperate to find a way to cope with his psychological damage or even fake normalcy. Can his new shrink control his own demons long enough to treat Aaron, or will he only deepen the damage?

Desperate to understand his attraction for Spencer, Aaron holds on to his sanity with both hands as it threatens to spin out of control.

Review:
This book is simply stunning.

This is a story that is inarguably filled with pain and hurting that is beyond most peoples imagination, and I think we can all thank God for that, but this book evolves into something so much more than pain and trauma, it becomes one of beauty, peace and compassion.

The character of Aaron has been developed beautifully by J.P Barnaby. The story is gently unfolded before you as you piece together the events that have lead to this traumatised and broken young man struggling to just exist in a life that no longer feels like his. The harrowing and horrific pain that was inflicted upon him and his friend Juliette are delivered slowly to the reader, in the form of Aaron’s flashbacks, and gradually your tears will flow as you realise just what this young man is living with.

The fact that Barnaby doesn’t delve straight into Aaron’s attack is nothing short of a blessing on the reader. It’s not that his pain isn’t made clear from page one, but you are not crushed with the weight of his memories in an instant, you piece together the puzzle in parts, as Aaron faces each battle the day brings, allowing the reader time to come to terms with the traumas inflicted on him, creating even greater depth to his character.

The same can be said for Spencer. A character with his own daemons to battle, his own insecurities of the world to overcome, but who provides so much lightness in this book through the weight he helps lift off Aaron. Spencer’s deafness is written beautifully and you are given a clear picture of what his life is like in a world of no sound, and the struggles he must face. Inside his head, you learn of the normalcy that Spencer’s yearns for, for someone in the world to just see him and not his disability.

It is here, these wants, from both boys, that the most beautiful book I have ever read really blossoms. These boys both crave, but don’t know how to achieve, the same thing, a place in a world where they can be comfortable and where they can find acceptance, and they find just that in each other. Spencer’s reaction to his first meeting with Aaron is enough to show you the ability he could have to comfort Aaron, as he doesn't walk away full of judgments and ridicule at Aaron's obvious pain, he is full of nothing but concern and aching to help and understand the boy he scared the living daylights out of.

This book left me breathless. I went into it prepared for the heartache, the torture this story would inflict on my soul as I struggled to find a way to comfort Aaron from the safety and warmth of my living room, but I found I didn't need to comfort him, Spencer was there, by his side, and as you read on, you realize that Aaron not only has hope in the form of his best friend, but so do you as you start to breathe again, knowing Aaron has found someone who can bring him back to life.

Every character in this book is so lovingly and beautifully constructed that even though the pain is screaming at you from every angle, the pain of that horrific night, the pain of a family barely functioning, in both of the boy’s households, I hope you find, as I did, that the love screams at you even louder. You are given the time to understand each characters own struggles to overcome the earth shattering events in their lives. The bond shown between Aaron and his brothers, even under such strain is enough to warm your heart, even before you can see any light in Aaron’s life. The pain of a mother who can’t touch or comfort her son is overpowering, but incredibly moving for the reader, as you grasp how much lies ahead for this family to struggle through.

Spencer’s father in this book, along with his son, offers the chance of a future. Although Spencer struggles with his own issues and worries in regards to his fathers drinking, he still sees the ability to help Aaron in letting his father reach out to him, and as this new character relationship blossoms, between Aaron and Dr Thomas, it allows for Spencer and Aaron’s relationship to move forward.

The beauty in their friendship is enough to make your heart ache. As they communicate through IMing and email, you can see the walls break down on both sides and the light the shines through both of them. Each giggle or laugh that erupts from Aaron will make you want to weep with joy, and the reader will realize  probably long before he does, that he is still alive, and he is still capable of seeing and finding love in the world.

I wish I could find the words to adequately describe how much this book will warm your soul. It will be some of the worst pain you could ever read about, but it will also be one of the greatest example of love, understanding and acceptance that will leave you blissfully peaceful with the hope that beyond the pages of this book, Aaron’s world will once again be one filled with nothing but enough safety, comfort and love that he will always find the strength to fight the storms.

The pain in this book defiantly has the ability to haunt you, but I found, by the end, the examples of love and tenderness are enough to heal you, and leave you with a warm smile on your face (and possibly tears in your eyes).

5 Pants Off

Guest Post: Writing PTSD in Romantic Fiction by J.P Barnaby

I am excited to have J.P Barnaby on POR once again. She is here talking about her soon to be released book Aaron (gorgeous cover). So say hello and make her feel welcome.

Writing PTSD in Romantic Fiction

One of the foundational rules for a novelist is write what you know. For example, in the novel Aaron, Aaron and Spencer go to school for computer programming because I write software for a living. I can write the technical aspects of their project with authority. I’ve even explored the Twitter API using the .Net development environment. Another aspect of Aaron that I can write with experience is PTSD resulting from sexual trauma. I nearly said “unfortunately”, but I’m not entirely sure that’s true. We all have life experiences, good and bad, that make us who we are. If I’d skipped from age seven to age ten, I’d be a completely different person. Maybe I would be happier, but maybe I wouldn’t. I do know that I would not have the strength and resilience that I’ve found since that time.

As I write this post for the upcoming book tour, Aaron is sitting on the Coming Soon shelf at Dreamspinner Press. I’m sure there will be reviewers who tell me that Aaron’s character is melodramatic and overdone, but there will be others, those who live with that monster in their head as I do, who will understand. This book, just like my previous title A House of Cards is written for them. It’s written for the people who need to know that, eventually, it will get better. The nightmares will become less frequent. The memories that pop into your head without warning will start to lose their intensity. Eventually, you’ll figure out that where the blame actually lies. One day, you’ll forgive yourself and then, you can truly start to live.

Aaron is a more extreme example given the physical torture and psychological damage stemming from Juliette’s death, but it’s his story, not mine. Two years ago, that broken boy crawled into my heart and refused to leave until I made him better. I don’t really know where he came from, but as I lay in bed one night, his voice whispered in my head. He described his fear in such chilling detail, I felt it with him. The despair, the utter hopelessness in his voice made my heart ache. He wanted to die. I told him that it would get better, but he couldn’t see how. So, I gave him Spencer. Aaron needed someone who knew what loneliness felt like. He needed someone who could lift him up, to help him find that boy locked in his heart, the one he wanted to be. 

I wish I had a Spencer, I long for that kind of connection. To love someone and not be afraid, but I can’t write them into existence. Instead, I wait. I find little ways to recommit myself to the perseverance that keeps me alive. With each book that I use to put someone else back together, I find a little more of my fractured soul.

Blurb:
I can’t describe what it’s like to want to scream every minute of every day.

Two years after a terrifying night of pain destroyed his normal teenage existence, Aaron Downing still clings to the hope that one day, he will be a fully functional human being. But his life remains a constant string of nightmares, flashbacks, and fear. When, in his very first semester of college, he’s assigned Spencer Thomas as a partner for his programming project, Aaron decides that maybe “normal” is overrated. If he could just learn to control his fear, that could be enough for him to find his footing again.

With his parents’ talk of institutionalizing him—of sacrificing him for the sake of his brothers’ stability—Aaron becomes desperate to find a way to cope with his psychological damage or even fake normalcy. Can his new shrink control his own demons long enough to treat Aaron, or will he only deepen the damage?

Desperate to understand his attraction for Spencer, Aaron holds on to his sanity with both hands as it threatens to spin out of control.

Giveaway

Three signed copies of Aaron are up for grabs – make sure to enter the Goodreads giveaway by October 15th: http://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/33044-aaron

(Giveaway open to US residents only. If you’re outside of the US and would like a signed bookmark from Aaron, please request one from http://www.jpbarnaby.com/#bookmarks) 

Want to see the rest of the stops on the tour?
http://www.JPBarnaby.com/

About J. P. Barnaby

As a bisexual woman, J.P. is a proud member of the GLBT community both online and in her small town on the outskirts of Chicago. A member of Mensa, she is described as brilliant but troubled, sweet but introverted, and talented but deviant. She spends her days writing software and her nights writing erotica, which is, of course, far more interesting. The spare time that she carves out between her career and her novels is spent reading about the concept of love, which, like some of her characters, she has never quite figured out for herself.



Website: http://www.jpbarnaby.com
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/JPBarnaby
Facebook: http://www.Facebook.com/JPBarnaby

Guest Post: Grabby's Day 3 (Memorial Day 2012) by J.P Barnaby

I am so excited to have J.P Barnaby here as apart of her Little Boy Lost blog tour. I haven't read the series as yet but I am totally looking forward to gobbling them up now that I don't have to wait for the last book *evil laugh*. So help me welcome J.P, and be sure to comment to get your chance at some amazing prizes. Plus there's pretty half naked boys, and that is always a good thing.

Drake Jaden and Parker Perry pretty, but wicked little boys

Breakfast with Jodi

Jodi (@JodiDash) and I are early risers. It happens wherever I go, no matter how late I stay out – I always wake up early and get up. So, we got up and headed over to Corner Bakery for breakfast. Jodi is truly one of my favorite people. No matter what kind of drama or shit comes flying at her at these kinds of events, she just keeps her mellow temper and tells it like it is. I have a lot of respect for that. I’m more of a peacekeeper. I just want to see everyone being nice to each other and getting along, though that rarely happens.

While Jodi and I were sitting at breakfast having some wonderful scrambled egg concoction and talking about how the weekend had gone to that point, I got a text from Drake. So, after being joined by our friend Amy (@Ajbee), we went over the Hyatt and I took Drake breakfast which of course, resulted in my tweet about taking (@DrakeJadenXXX) breakfast in bed. It was nice to just sit and talk to him for a minute before the craziness of the day started. The day before, the girls had been asked to present an award during the ceremony. Then, the decision was made that I would be the one presenting…speaking in front of hundreds of people. Needless to say, I was rather nervous—which Drake talked me through.

Rehearsal

The girls spent the day wandering around the hotel. I think I ended up in Kelley’s (@Kel1863) room at one point and then Jodi’s. The majority of the day was a blur to me because I was so fucking terrified about the presentation that night. About 1:30, we headed over to the Park West Theater for rehearsal, which I thought would consist of us practicing on stage, but it didn’t. The entire group of presenters sat in one of the tabled areas talking until the coordinator came over and gave out our ordering. I sat next to Parker Perry who just kept telling me that I would be fine. We would be presenting 8th, for which I was thankful. We would be on late enough that I’d get an idea of what to do from the other presenters, but early enough that I wouldn’t have a stroke waiting for our turn to come up.

The Grabbys 

In the limo on the way to the Grabbys David and Keith from Soldout Clothing, Tom Wolfe and Cal Skye, JP Barnaby and Parker Perry’s yellow sock. (Photo Credit: Cavin Knight)

 At one point during the day, I had told Drake that I would hold his wallet and phone that night because his lederhosen weren’t exactly made to accommodate them. I knew that he would be riding in over in a limo with the other guys, so I text’d him and told him that I would meet him there. To which, I was informed that I would be in the limo with him. He didn’t even give me a chance to argue before he instructed me to be in the lobby at 6:00 sharp ready to go. Just another way that he made me feel special and accepted that weekend. When the limo arrived, and people started piling in, however, we noticed that there were far more people than seats. It didn’t matter at all – guys sat on each other’s laps or in the floor to make space for all of us to ride together. That ride ranked as some of the most fun I had all weekend. Sandwiched between Tom Wolfe (@TomWolfeXXX) sitting on his boyfriend Cal Skye’s (@CalSkyeXXX) lap and Dire Callahan (@DireCallahan), passing around a bottle of vodka and diet 7Up because no one remembered to bring glasses, I felt like a kid at the popular table.

Drake Jaden and Parker Perry stacked in the limo

When we arrived, the guys went up the red carpet while I met the girls outside and we went in to find our seats. Anticipation built as I sat at the table with Harvey Walker (@HarveyWalker), Teresa (@MamaTStar), and Jason (@Jason73Tx). I managed to down two vodka lemonades while the first few guys went up to present their awards. I kept count, knowing that we were #8, and handed my phone to Jason. Jodi had given her camera to Kel’s husband Tod, and we were ready. I stood up and indicated to the other ladies to meet me by the door they’d told us to find during rehearsal. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize they were going to run a porn clip, so we had a few minutes to wait, but we were in position and we were ready when they called us to the stage.

Some guys in the industry are not fans of their female fans, some guys merely tolerate us, and some guys embrace us. Tom Wolfe and Drake Jaden appreciate that the women in their audience are the ones that always pay for their scenes rather than downloading them for free, who promote them whenever possible, and who support them when things get bad. Tom and Drake took us up on stage to present the award for Best Fetish Extreme. Tom wore a tight corset and killer heeled boots leading Drake Jaden on a leash in his tight little lederhosen and a spider gag (a spider gag is a metal device that keeps the wearer’s mouth open rather than blocking it like a ball gag or bit). He handed Drake’s leash off to us (Jodi), and with shaking hands, I took the mic. For a split second, my mind went completely blank, I swear to God. But then, I introduced the nominees and someone in the audience yelled “WOOOOO! GO JP!” and everything suddenly became okay. When the nominees finished playing on the screen overhead, I read out the winner and we left the stage.

A year ago, I wouldn’t have been able to do it.

The Ladies of Gay Porn presenting the award for Best Fetish Extreme

The After-party: Spin

Earlier in the month, I’d flown out for OutlantaCon and had a great time with Eden Winters and Shae Connor. At that event, I met Nick—a really sweet guy who happened to be from Chicago. We talked for a long time, just hanging out. When I gave him a set of bookmarks, he fell almost instantly in love with Parker Perry. So, I told him about where I would be this last weekend, and asked if he wanted to come and hang out. He met me at Spin, and we had an absolute blast. I introduced him to guys like Rafael Alancar and he kept me from standing in the corner alone. Drake and Parker, my constant companions for the weekend, stopped off at a Hyatt party before ending up at Spin.

Nick, Drake, and JP cuddling at Spin

At one point, a couple of guys that I didn’t know asked if they could have their pictures taken with me. I was so surprised by their request all I could do was nod. Sometimes, readers ask for a picture with me at different author events, but since I’m not a part of the gay porn industry, I was pretty floored to be asked. Throughout the course of the evening, I ended up being kissed, groped, and with a few guys on my lap. It was fabulous. ;)

Tony Buff doing what Tony Buff does best surrounded by hot boys

Around two, the guys decided to head over to Hydrate and continue the party. So, we paired off and walked the three blocks to the other bar. Parker was in the lead, drunk off his ass, and talking to just about everyone we passed. Drake followed in the rear, just as intoxicated, but at some point had picked up a boy that he was all over. Nick and I, the only sober ones of the group, walked along in the middle—laughing. At Hydrate, Parker set us all up with shots while Drake disappeared with his boy, Daniel. After the shots, Parker took my hand and pulled me back to the dance floor where we stayed for the next hour.

As the hour grew late, and the boys grew more intoxicated, I took them both by the hand and led them out of the bar. It took me just a moment to hail a cab, and very little persuasion to get them inside. I gave my wonderfully sober friend Nick a hug and then took both Drake and Parker back to their respective hotels and got them safely to bed, one of which needed a little more assistance than the other.

I conquered several fears that day, and had a fabulous time doing it.


The Little Boy Lost blog tour continues June 25th – July 24th . Make sure to comment at each stop for more chances to win some really great prizes such as an entire series autographed to you by J. P. Barnaby. For additional entries – tweet about the tour including @JPBarnaby and #LittleBoyLost.

Tour Schedule: http://www.jpbarnaby.com/?p=637

The entire Little Boy Lost collection

 
Little Boy Lost is a coming of age story about two teenage boys—Brian McAllister and Jamie Mayfield—growing up gay in rural Alabama. The six book series chronicles their lives as they navigate through peers, parents, and porn, desperately searching for the perfect combination of circumstances in which they can be together. Through their journey, they find friends, pain, acceptance, loss, and most importantly, themselves.

July 2 – July 9th, Dreamspinner Press will offer the first book in the Little Boy Lost series for free on their site (http://www.DreamspinnerPress.com) and books 2-5 at 20% off in celebration of the release of the final book, Sacrificed.


Scarificed (Book 6)
Blurb:
Reunited with his father but missing the one man he loves more than any other, Jamie Mayfield attempts to put his life back together amid rehab, seizures, and the gutting loneliness of Brian’s rejection. As he tries to cope, Jamie finds that relying on his friends isn’t nearly as difficult as he’d imagined, and soon he can once again stand on his own two feet.

While recovering from his addiction, Jamie starts a new phase of his life at college, working to become the man Brian needs him to be. Only one question remains: Can Jamie earn Brian’s forgiveness and win back his trust, or will their love be sacrificed at the altar of Jamie’s demons?

Brian and Jamie’s epic journey comes to a close in this thrilling conclusion to the Little Boy Lost series.

About J. P. Barnaby  

As a bisexual woman, J.P. is a proud member of the GLBT community both online and in her small town on the outskirts of Chicago. A member of Mensa, she is described as brilliant but troubled, sweet but introverted, and talented but deviant. She spends her days writing software and her nights writing erotica, which is, of course, far more interesting. The spare time that she carves out between her career and her novels is spent reading about the concept of love, which, like some of her characters, she has never quite figured out for herself.




Website: http://www.jpbarnaby.com 
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/JPBarnaby 
Facebook: http://www.Facebook.com/JPBarnaby