Review: The Pawn by Kate Sherwood

The Pawn (Against the Odds #1) by Kate Sherwood
Dreamspinner Press
Novel: 216pgs
4.25 Pants Off

Blurb:
Adam Challoner was born a member of the wealthy elite, but he can’t forget that his power and comfort come from the suffering of the vast underclass—people oppressed by the very regime that keeps him safe. Living with that knowledge is uncomfortable to say the least. When Adam meets Remy Stone, his discomfort becomes intolerable.

Get in, seduce his target, give him all he could ever dream of, then get out—that’s Remy’s assignment. No man has ever been able to resist Remy before, but Adam Challoner is unlike any of Remy’s previous clients. In a world where Big Brother is always watching, Remy needs to perform his assigned duties in order to survive, but Adam seems to be as oblivious to that as he is to Remy’s charms.

Luckily, Remy’s determination to accomplish his mission piques Adam’s interest. But just when Remy’s hard work starts to pay off, a rebel bomb attack interrupts their would-be tryst. Unforeseen circumstances force them apart, then throw them back together. And just as they discover new reasons to live, they realize some things are worth dying for.

Review:
When I first started reading The Pawn, I was bored out of my mind. I felt like it was dragging on, and I wanted it to pick up quick and start a romance. I guess my surprise came when I realized it’s not quite a romance yet, and it wasn't a case of rentboy rescued by a rich client. The world Miss Sherwood is fascinating but equally disturbing. Where the rich rule, the poor have no rights, and there is no freedom for those who can't buy it.

Remy Stone has been sent to seduce to the very wealthy Adam Challoner, but his effort is going unnoticed. But he keeps trying because his boss Mr Barrowman will want to hear about it, and if he walks away unsuccessful the punishment might be more than he handle. Remy is a prostitute and has been one for a very long time, so he knows his skill of seduction is excellent but Adam is resisting all his effort. He finally wears him down and gets invited to stay but what happens next is nothing of what he expected. Adam never comes for a sex, and Remy wakes up to sound of a bomb going off and all that matters now is getting out and getting home. Until he runs into an old childhood friend, who most definitely is a part of the resistance and the reason for the bomb and just that brief conversation will bring Remy under suspicion and grueling interrogation. The events that follow will lead Remy to question many things, and possibly cause him to lose his life if only for the tiniest bit of freedom.

I have to say how very impressed I am with the overall the story, I never saw it coming and Ms Sherwood proved with The Pawn her diversity in writing. The Pawn is science fiction read, with a post apocalyptic feel (if you can imagine the destruction being caused by a government that only cares for the rich), and really rich characters with a story to tell. I really thought I would get the whole "rich guy saves poor desperate rent boy and teaches him about love" but Remy story is more complicated than that. It delves in about a man waking up from the dark and seeing his true potential, and another born to be a leader because of his compassion for the people.

Remy's life as a prostitute was hard for me to read, because for most of it he wasn't aware. There is a pill for him to fell aroused, a pill to orgasm, and the drugs that take away pretty much everything. So he has no clue about his body, and what it really feels like to want. So yes, the romance is pretty low on the scale, and sex comes in the form of him getting it on with various clients. It also makes it the strongest part of the book, because the age that Remy became a prostitute is shockingly sad and his reaction to sex without the aid of the pills is very understandable.

In some way Adam does come in and changes Remy, but not with the physicality of sex and such. He changes his mind/heart, which leads to Remy believing that he is more than just a sex toy and he could get out and possibly save many for the life that he's lived. Adam and Remy relationship is a budding one, and I am excited to see where it goes in book two. There is so much for the men to overcome.

Should You Read It? I am saying a quick yes for this one, it was slow going in the beginning but that all changed and I ended up really enjoying it. There is something very sad about the story, an age old tale of the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer. It’s also has the elements of a political, but since this was Remy's story I only get snippets of it. I am really looking forward to reading book 2.

Warning: This book deals with drug use, mentions of suicide, and implied underage sex (Spoiler: Remy is nine when he signed his contract to be in the business).

Review: Trick of Time by JL Merrow

Trick of Time by JL Merrow
Carina Press
Short Story:
3.75 Pants Off

Blurb:
A lover from another time

When Ted Ennis steps out the doors of the Criterion Theatre for a cigarette and finds himself in Victorian London, he begins to doubt his sanity. At first he thinks it's all a film set, and is sure that the strikingly handsome young man leaning against a lamppost must be the leading man…

What starts as a sordid transaction with a beautiful rent boy quickly turns into something much deeper, drawing him back again and again as he gets to know Jem and craves meaningful encounters with him.

But Ted doesn't understand the exact conditions necessary for his trips through time—and for Jem, time may actually be running out. Now Ted has one last shot to get back to Jem and save their relationship, before it's too late…

Review:
I am a huge fan of JL Merrow's writing, wonderful characters with great bits of wit and personality. Trick of Time is unlike any of the stories I've read, but it’s another side of the author's writing I very much enjoyed.

Ted Ennis lost his husband and family in the blink of an eye, and now he's all alone. Left with the scars of the accident, he just has the theatre where he works as something to keep him sane. When he heads out for a smoke break one night, Ted thinks he's walked unto a Victorian London movie set, and there's even the rent boy by the lamp post to make it authentic. Ted feels like he's losing his mind, and a co-worker confirms it when he looks out and see present London (billboards and all). This might all be a trick of the mind, but the beautiful boy against the lamp post with the talented mouth can't be a figment of his imagination, there’s just no way.

Lamp post boy turns out be Jem, and Ted is fascinated by him and looks forward to every smoke break. For Ted it’s like waking up after the death of his family, there’s the guilt and self doubt but most of all there's all the feels. A series of intimate encounters lead the men towards a friendships of sorts, and Ted finds that he likes to be where Jem is, that is until he gets trapped in the time warp and faced with the confusion, poverty, and reality that he might be trapped in a time he was never meant to be in.

This story though short is very moving. I feel like I got to see things through both the character's eyes, though it’s told only through Ted's pov. It has a great sense of place that pulls you in, and even though I was trying to figure out the reason for this time slip, it all just felt right. I wanted Ted to find happiness and I wanted him to have it with Jem. The idea behind them being together seems ludicrous and impossible, but I wanted it anyways. How JL brings it all together was done rather well, maybe a little farfetched but it worked out very well. There is some focus on the how the time travel came about, and how Ted was able to work it for favourable results.

Overall, I really enjoyed it and it felt like a full novel on such a few pages. I really got to know Ted and I got to know Jem through Ted. There was nothing to laugh about in this one, but the author still manages to bring her cleverness.

Review: Sinner's Gin by Rhys Ford

Sinner's Gin by Rhys Ford
Dreamspinner Press
Novel: 260pgs
4.5 Pants Off

Blurb:
There’s a dead man in Miki St. John’s vintage Pontiac GTO, and he has no idea how it got there.

After Miki survives the tragic accident that killed his best friend and the other members of their band, Sinner’s Gin, all he wants is to hide from the world in the refurbished warehouse he bought before their last tour. But when the man who sexually abused him as a boy is killed and his remains are dumped in Miki’s car, Miki fears Death isn’t done with him yet.

Kane Morgan, the SFPD inspector renting space in the art co-op next door, initially suspects Miki had a hand in the man’s murder, but Kane soon realizes Miki is as much a victim as the man splattered inside the GTO. As the murderer’s body count rises, the attraction between Miki and Kane heats up. Neither man knows if they can make a relationship work, but despite Miki’s emotional damage, Kane is determined to teach him how to love and be loved — provided, of course, Kane can catch the killer before Miki becomes the murderer’s final victim.

Review:
Miki St John is well on his way to super stardom with his band Sinner’s Gin, until faith steps in and takes them away before they have any real time to celebrate their success. They were his family, and in the blink of an eye they were gone. This is just another blow in the life of Miki, coming from a background filled with sexual abuse at the hands of monsters, and the abandonment that left him wondering the streets as a baby (life for Miki hasn’t been easy). His psyche is broken with some of his body, and he just wants’ to hideaway in his warehouse away from the pain and drink himself away.  When a hunk of man shows up on his doorstep yelling at him about a dog, Miki’s life when will never be the same from that point on.

Kane Morgan is sick and tired of a this damn dog stealing his wood (not that kind of wood you perves) and he is about to have a few words with the owner. What he never expected was the beautiful boy with the broken soul to open the door but still he’s gotta do something about that damn dog. Days go by and the beautiful boy is still a fixture in Kane’s brain but once again the dog strikes and Kane has some yelling to do. What he never expected was to find a mutilated body in the man’s garage. So now Kane has to put his cop face on, and deal with the fact that Miki might be a killer or someone he’s going to do all to protect.

The men find themselves thrust into a friendship they never expected and an attraction that would be best avoided. As the murder investigation unfolds Kane finds out more about Miki than he ever wanted to know (or should know) and the information tears at him. Being with Miki is not a good idea, but he’s drawn to him in a way that is unexplainable and judging from the look in Miki’s eyes the feelings are mutual. Now they must figure out who’s leaving body parts on Miki’s front door and throwing things through his window. Seems someone has got a murder agenda and Miki is the key to that lock.

This book is a series of twists and turns, and heartbreaking shit. The angst is so super high my heart was breaking through most of it. The hardest thing for me to read is about the abuse of children, and Ms Ford wrote it in away where I was willing to go and commit murder for these hurt boys. Miki breaks my wee little heart; he’s skittish, feral, and so broken that I just don’t know what will become of him. Yes, he has Kane but he also needs some serious help (something he’s been avoiding). I understand his reasons for not seeking help; it’s his way of coping because going for therapy will open up wounds that he would rather keep closed. I get it, it is not a smart move but I totally get it.

Rhys Ford really knows how to start a book, and how to end it cus “gaaaaaaaw” I am freaking losing my mind with the ending of this one. I was feeling dissatisfied with that scene of Kane and Miki at the end there, but then the author threw a curve ball and I was like “Yes, I like this!” and now I want more. What I didn’t like so much was all the pain and suffering, seriously too much bad is just never good.

Overall, I really liked this one and gobbled it up till my eyes started to hurt. I like Miki cus he’s so broken, and I love Kane and his family. Dude the dog is also made of awesome; he’s a matchmaking genius (I am on to your game Dude).

Should You Read It? If you are a fan of Rhys Ford, yes. I am also down for interracial love in my books and the author is a master at this. I like that she writes Asian characters, and she writes them well.

4.5 Pants Off

Review: Falling Into Place by Tia Fielding

Falling Into Place by Tia Fielding
Dreamspinner Press
Novel: 214pgs
4 Pants Off

Blurb:
Following an amicable divorce, former stay-at-home dad Scott Mitchell needs to get a job—and a new lifestyle to help him manage his depression, since he lost his Domme along with his marriage. At least one of his problems is solved when finds work at Wilde Publishing. Fulfilling his boss’s needs at the office gives him a productive focus and pays the bills, but becoming a PA to publishing wunderkind Milo Brock isn’t without its trials.

After an injury put an end to his dreams of the NHL, Milo got an education and pursued other interests. At work, he runs Wilde’s sports division. At play, he’s always thought of himself as straight, but his attraction to his new PA casts that into doubt. Luckily a hard life has taught Milo to take things in stride.

Scott and Milo are battling separate lives, ghosts from their pasts, a sister dying of cancer, and a clash of preferences in the bedroom. Scott needs to submit to keep himself balanced; Milo prefers vanilla sex. If they can’t find some middle ground, they’ll lose the support they both desperately need.

Review:
I really wasn't expecting to enjoy this book, after the huge fail I read by this author called Technically Dead. So yes, I had some apprehension about how good Falling Into Place would be, but it turned out to be quite good, and far surpassed my expectations. I call that a win!

Scott Mitchell is depressed and has no idea how to move forth and find some happiness. You could say he is happily married with his two kids, but his life is lacking something more. His Mistress is also his wife Heather; she can't provide the pain he needs to keep him sane, and functional. Scott finds himself just going through the motions and living his head. This ultimately leads to an accident and the end of his marriage. Now he has to go out find himself a job and start over, while lacking the pain and subordination that he craves.

Scott lands a job at a sports publishing company, and the routine gives him an escape and most night leaves him exhausted so he can keep the darkness away. Scott is very good at his job, becomes a huge importance to fledging company, and a friend to his boss Milo Brock. The men hit it off right away, and Scott becomes comfortable in sharing his wants/needs, and the nightmares of his past with Milo. The friendship becomes more, and Milo is faced with the how & whys in being a competent Dom for Scott. While Scott is thinking maybe, he's asking for too much from the man that has become so much more than just a friend.

I was worried about how the author would deliver the story, but it came together very well. The story is very much a discovering/coming out of two men finding themselves and saving each other. Sex takes a back seat within the plot, and the book focuses on family, and the importance of friends. Scott and Milo take a journey together, with Scott having experienced BDSM lifestyle for some years with his wife, but never having exploring it fully. While Scott was learning, Milo was there along with him learning too.

I did find Scott's past tragedy to be over the top, and it failed to provide a realistic background. Because all I kept thinking was 'that's just crazy' and eye roll numerous happened. I'm glad that BDSM wasn't used as some sort of therapy for Scott, and the author made it a different issue instead of it remaining singular. Really, lots to like about this one!

Should You Read It? I am going with yes, because Tia Fielding has redeemed herself for me with this book. The story is emotional, loving, and entertaining. It is rare that I read and enjoy book without dirty, dirty love. While there is a sex scene, the relationship between Scott, Milo, and his family totally steal the show. I enjoyed it!

4 Pants Off

Review: Flesh Cartel: Auction by Heidi Belleau & Rachel Haimowitz

The Flesh Cartel: Auction by Heidi Belleau & Rachel Haimowitz
Riptide Publishing
Short Story: 60pgs
4.5 Pants Off

Blurb:
In episode two of The Flesh Cartel, the dark purpose behind Mat and Dougie Carmichael’s abduction is revealed. Though Dougie is protected from the worst of the guards’ brutality, he’s disgusted to find himself halfway to broken—despairing of escape and terrified of pain. Mat holds onto hope despite repeated rapes and beatings, but threats toward his brother teach him well to lay aside his pride and pick his battles carefully.

Worn down by days of unrelenting fear and abuse, Mat and Dougie are packaged and marketed with the same ruthless efficiency as any consumer product: Dougie the prettyboy twink, Mat the rabid pit bull. They are led to the auction block as the showpiece of the house’s collection.

Mat would rather be beaten to death than play the role of obedient slave for sale, but Dougie, desperate not to be separated from his brother, strikes a deal with the pitiless Madame who runs the auction house and controls both their fates. It might just be enough to keep them together—slaves, but together—assuming Mat even wants to be after Dougie fulfills his end of his deal with the devil.

(Publisher's note: This title contains material some may find objectionable or trigger-inducing, including explicit violence, non-consent, and forced incest.)

Review:
I don't even have the words, no freaking words. The second instalment in this explosive serial is just as gut wrenching, heartbreaking, and brilliant just like the first (probably even more so).

Auction is the continuation of where Captured left us, with Dougie and Mal processed and placed in the facility. There status as a human being completely stripped from them, raped and abused their future seems uncertain. You would think finally being placed the abuse would stop, but each day they are meant to suffer and treated no better than animals. Mal is slowly losing his will to fight back, because what is the point; he still has to listen to them torture and rape his little brother. All he can do is scream his throat raw but it never stops it never ends. Dougie thinks of himself as weak, because he never fights back and takes it like the good little hole they call him. If only he was as strong as his brother, if only....

Seriously, this book was just so heart wrenching and excellently written.  Slowly all is being revealed, and we get a closer look into how this slave facility works and how they pick their targets. Plus, all the mind fuck that goes on there. They are able to utilize the brothers and bend them to their will so they can get the best possible amount of money for them when they go up for auction. Dougie the pretty, obedient one and Mat the ruthless thug built like a fighter. Apart they could probably fetch a decent amount of money, but together "cha ching!"

As much as I love this series, I am having a problem with this slave business. If I were a client on this creepy elusive list I would want nothing from these guys no matter how pretty the merchandise. I don't do used goods, and man do these guys get used. I just don't understand, this clientele is willing to spend so much and yet they don't care that even the guards has been all up in it (unless they do not know).

This brings me to the people who work at the facility. I'm just wondering if they picked them up on the highway to hell. How can people be so abusive (were they already like that or did the perks of the job look so pretty they couldn't resist that downward spiral to bastardry). Like that, Stanford experiment back in 71 where regular guys went bat shit crazy after being given a bit of power. Yes, these guards fascinate me cause of their evilness.

This read was once again an emotional roller-coaster for me. So much brutality that never lets up. Just when I thought there would be a little breather for the boys, shit goes awry and becomes worse. What they have to see done to each other, what they have to do to each other makes cringe. Yet, they still manage to hold on to some semblance of themselves. Auction ends on a high gripping scene that has me anticipating Season 2 (gawww) Psychosexual indeed!

Should You Read It? If you loved the first, then it’s a guarantee you will love this one. Lots of info is slowly unfolding, the characters are interesting, and the story gripping. Heidi & Rachel deliver some excellent writing with nothing spared for those with delicate sensibilities. I am both thrilled and horrified about what will happen next. The reader gets to know Nicholai a bit better and I am anticipating if I am going to like him or completely hate his guts. Awesomely written, explosively tragic, and I just can't get enough.

SideNote- I pray for the day when someone will put an explosive in the Madame's mouth and watch her head explode (oh beautiful day will you ever come true!)

4.5 Pants Off

Review: The Flesh Cartel: #1 Capture

Review: Poison by Megan Derr

Poison (The Lost Gods #4) by Megan Derr
Less Than Three Press
Novel: 236pgs
4 Pants Off

Blurb:
Nine gods ruled the world until the ultimate betrayal resulted in their destruction. Now, the world is dying and only by restoring the Lost Gods can it be saved.

Verde is ruled by the mortal reincarnations of their Lost Gods: the Faerie Queen, the Pegasus, and the Unicorn, slain nine centuries ago at the base of their Sacred Oak. Every one hundred years, the tragedy repeats itself, plunging Verde ever deeper into despair.

Now, the Tragedy of the Oak draws near and Gael, the Unicorn, grows increasingly afraid because of a dark secret kept by the Three: If he cannot find a way to break the tragic cycle, the Twelve White Beasts and his secret lover are cursed to die right alongside him.


Review:
I am going to call this one and say this series is turning out to be my fave this year. There is so much to love about the Lost Gods; I believe it should be on everyone's radar (if you love a good fantasy series). Though, Poison isn’t a fave of mine it’s still an excellent read, which should tell you a lot about the other books that came before this one.

Poison brings the return of Aillill who we first met in Treasure, and then in book two, Burning Bright where he was poisoned (tada) while on a mission to return the royal jewels to the Faire Queen of his homeland Verde. So I was happy to see him return healthy, and fulfilling his duty as a white beast. Being noble is not something Ailill wants to be, but he has a duty to fulfill and he will see it through. He will play a part in restoring the mortal reincarnations of the gods, the Pegasus, the unicorn, and the Faire Queen. For 900 years, the ritual has failed and this time they are hoping to finally restore the gods. Seem that someone has other plans and Ailill is smack dab in the middle of it. Because someone is poisoning all the white beasts and Ailill knows in due time he will be next.

Then comes Ivan, a mercenary Ailill met on his travels and a man he brought to his bed. It comes as a surprise when Ivan shows up at his home no longer a merc, now a duke. Together they try to solve the mysterious poisonings, so close to the ceremony of bringing the gods back to Verde. With no idea of where to start or where to look, Ailill can only look on as his brothers, sisters, and his home perish in a state of anger and hatred.

Seems that the gods of Verde have built a home on lies and betrayal and 900 years of history has been repeating itself. The unicorn, Prince Gael has a secret lover he hides from his siblings and use to be lovers. The story follows the two couples as they try to keep their relationship flowing in an up heave of violence and destruction. Whoever is poisoning the white beasts is someone close to them but if only they could figure out who would want to destroy them when they are close to bringing all three gods back.

All right folks, I really enjoyed this story but I did it find it frustrating and a little drawn out. It was so easy to figure out who was behind the poisonings and for the life of me; I just could not understand why it took so long for everyone else to. Yeh, it’s hard to see something when you are close to the problem but... gawd they took forever. Upside, lots more loving in this one and that made me happy. This one lacks the adventure and roller-coaster story line that I liked so much about the books before, but seriously, Poison is no disappointment. The ending kind of fell out in a rush but I always look forward to the endings in this series, I get to read, if only a little about the gods from the previous books.

Should You Read It? Yes! I believe this series is for all the fantasy lovers out there and should not be missed. Every story is so intricately woven together that I found myself going "oh I remember this".  I freaking love all the colourful characters, and it is never a dull moment with the Lost Gods. Fantastic!

4 Pants Off

Review:
 Book #1 Treasure 
 Book #2 Burning Bright
 Book #3 Stone Rose

Review: Caleo by james crawford

Caleo (Leech Book #1) by james crawford
Self-Published
Novel
3.25 Pants Off

Blurb:
Caleo Anima is the social outcast of Butler High. His pale skin and white hair have caused him nothing but trouble since birth. Now at age 17 a mysterious stranger shows up telling him that not only is Caleo part of a magical race called Leeches, but his life is in danger because of a civil war that's been going on for decades...all in an effort to gain control over him.







Review:
First, I am going to say that this book is longer than it needed to be which took away from my enjoyment. It's interesting enough, and the fact that I finished it is a good thing. There was just too much happening back to back and it was hard to follow all the crazy. It needed to be a bit more tight and cleaner.

Caleo Anima is an outcast and is desperately trying to find away to fit in. With his very white as snow skin and the bluest of eyes, he stands out and doesn't fit the norm. He is bullied relentlessly for how he looks and for being gay. The only friends he really has are Jack and Jillian who are more like siblings to him. The one thing I really enjoyed about Caleo is that he's very relatable. Being a teen can be tough and I think the author did a fantastic job of getting that across. He doesn't do self pity, but like any regular person, he has his moments of doubt and being scared, especially finding out all these new things about himself. He is a strong young character.

There is a lot that happens after Caleo finds out he is more than human, and is meant to rules those that are Leeches. Leeches are males who harness incredible power that varies by person, and can become more powerful if they take other Leeches energy. So there’s killing and crazy going on. Caleo doesn't quite know the full extent of his power, but he knows he is powerful. Now it’s a race against time to stay alive and keep his family safe. However, with enemies making themselves known every step of the way, the task is becoming difficult and dangerous.

There is non-stop action in this book, and it annoyed me most of the time. There is never a calm after the storm, just more crazy happening and people dying. I felt like the characters needed a reprieve, and all the moments of face off with the bad guys really just took away from the enjoyment of the story. Also added to length, which was unnecessarily long. There some scenes that really didn’t add anything to story it just showed Caleo in hero status. He had proven himself capable so mostly each action scene felt unnecessary.

There is no romance but you can feel some bromance between Caleo and his best-friend Jack. A friend I find skeevy, because he never stood up for Caleo in school but all of a sudden, he's Mr Protector. I am just not 100% on board with him. I am excited to see where the series will be going, and I hope the next story is a lot cleaner in the writing and plot.

Overall, I liked it but it became hard to read it by the end. I am interested to see where this Leech thing goes. I also want to see whom Caleo falls in love with, and how he will grow to do some ass kicking.

SideNote: I really love the cover, though the hand doesn't really match the boy it's still very pretty.

Review: Mourning Heaven by Amy Lane

Reviewed by Buggy
Mourning Heaven by Amy Lane
Dreamspinner Press
Novel: 200pgs
3.5 Pants Off

Blurb:
Heroes fall.

Peter first came to the tiny backwater of Daisy, California, as a child, and he was sure of one thing: his cousin Michael would take care of him. When Michael started a friendship with the fragile, haunted Bodi Kovacs, Peter's consolation in losing any claim to Bodi was that Michael would care for him too. But tragedy struck, and Michael ripped himself out of their world and threw away the people who loved him most.

Six years later, Michael is coming home in a box. All it took to destroy a hero was a town full of bigotry and hatred. Reclaiming him will take strength of heart that neither Peter nor Bodi had six years ago. Since Michael left, Bodi has been lost and alone. Peter can try to make Bodi his and take the role Michael should have had, but first he and Bodi have to confront the past. They will need to face Michael, the good and the bad, the beauty and the sadness, and see his memory truly for what it was and not what it could have been. It's a simple act that may destroy them both: sifting through the flaming ruins of heaven is a sure way to annihilate a bleeding mortal heart.

Review:
Opening Line:” Daisy, California Population 2,726

As much as I love Amy Lane I have to admit this one was a struggle for me to get through. Don’t get me wrong the writing is still fantastic and there are passages that literally take your breath away but the story is also so painful, so angry, so freaking desperate and depressing that it just became more then I could take. I wasn’t even convinced of the love story taking place here, it seemed a little frantic, a little violent, a little for the moment.

You’d think with a title like “Mourning Heaven” I would have been prepared though, especially after already having my heart shredded (in a good way) by several of Lane’s other books. I was expecting angst and pain here but I was also expecting awesomeness or at least something redeeming or hopeful to cling to throughout this sad story. But with every page angst-riddled and every character broken, tormented and grief stricken this was ultimately just exhausting.

“Oh shit he was disintegrating, dissolving, coming apart again and Peter needed to be there for once, someone needed to be there to catch Bodi as he fell. Peter was up and wrapping his arms around Bodi before one more painful word happened and Bodi was crying like he hadn’t cried when --- (spoiler) and Peter was crying with him because this was Michael Bodi was crying about and Michael had hurt and Michael had broken and he hadn’t let them fix him and now he would never be fixed and they’d always be a little bit broken in their souls where he’d left a Michael shaped hole.”

Peter moved to the small prejudiced town of Daisy at the age of 12. He’d moved around a lot in his short life and while his mother loved him she was just never able to provide for him eventually depositing him with his Aunt Aileen and her son Michael. It wasn’t all bad though because there was Michael. For Peter his cousin is the sun and the moon, he is everything good and strong and protective and right in the world. Just to hear him breathing through the thin bedroom walls at night makes him feel like everything is going to be okay. And then there’s Michael’s friend Bodi, the boy that Peter loves from the moment he sets eyes on him. Of course it’s not easy being gay in a town like Daisy the church is …well very vocal in its views on that sort of evil behavior and everyone in this backwards town goes to church so it’s not a place you want to be out.

“He’d told his mother that he thought boys were more beautiful than girls, and she’d told him that he would have to be either brave or quiet about that, especially in Daisy.”

The meat of this story however takes place years later; Peter is now 23 and the only one still living in Daisy. Michael his hero, his everything who he hasn’t seen in 6 years is finally coming home and Peter now has the task of finding Bodi and bringing him back too because Michael is coming home in a casket. Slowly we the readers learn what happened 6 years ago that splintered the trio, sending Bodi off in the middle of the night into parts unknown and Michael to the nearest recruiting office where he enlisted in the service.

Together Bodi and Peter have to get through their grief and pay homage to Michael, restoring his motorcycle and giving him a proper send-off while trying to get through the hate, ignorance and prejudice that this town tends to feed on. Bodi is so broken that it will be a miracle if he survives even with Peter’s love and Peter; well he has to learn that even heroes aren’t perfect.

3.5 Pants Off